• Andrew Playmer

Season 8: Perfect Patty

The Millennials once again showed indifference at the start of the season, losing 16 of their first 20 games. The team would confound fans and power ranking writers alike by stringing together lengthy streaks, sometimes back to back:

  • An eight game winning streak, starting Day 38 and ending Day 46

  • An eight game losing streak, starting Day 46 and ending Day 54

  • A five game winning streak, starting Day 72 and ending Day 77

  • A seven game winning streak, starting Day 78 and ending Day 84

  • A six game winning streak, starting Day 89 and ending Day 95

Millennials fans, exhausted from the “Irony Era” of Season 6’s attempt at tanking, remained confused about what results to cheer for. One fan attempted to clarify on MillsFanatic, a local fan site:

“We're just a bunch of disasters who make up our minds at the last minute. So as long as a game has a result, we're happy.”

The season's turning point and most memorable moment came on Day 61 as Patty Fox delighted the Battin’ Island crowd by pitching ILB’s first perfect game. Fox pitched 72 times, earning four strikeouts, seven flyouts, sixteen ground outs, and one Immaculate Inning. Discovering the legendary Nine-Blood Blagonball in her locker after the game, Fox offered to “pitch this thing through a window” in exchange for five dollars.

Before the Perfect Game, the Millennials ran a 23-27 record. Following the Perfect Game, the Mills were 26-10.


On Day 78 versus the Tacos, Thomas Dracaena was observed siphoning hitting ability from Sexton Wheerer. The Millennials media relations staff immediately issued a statement emphatically denying that Dracaena was a centuries-old vampire and calling such rumors “salacious innuendoes”. Dracaena apologized on Twitter after the game:



With their see-saw performance, the Millennials once again closed the season with a playoff spot on the line. Facing their long-time rival Boston Flowers, the Mills need two wins to wrestle the final playoff spot from the Flowers. Sadly, the effects of Season 7’s Enhanced Party Time were too much, and the Millennials dropped the first two games of the series. For the first time since Season 2, the Mills played a regular season game in Party Time. While none of New York’s roster were seen partying, they gave Boston a memorable send-off to the playoffs: a 7-6 Shaming.


The Season 8 Elections saw the Millennials swap subdivisions with the Mexico City Wild Wings. The Wings, fresh off a move out of the Mild Low league thanks to the Divisional Swap blessing, took the Millennials’ place in Wild High by winning the Subleague Swap blessing. The Millennials find themselves in Mild High for Season 9, with the Seattle Garages, Hades Tigers, Dallas Steaks, and Canada Moist Talkers as their divisional opponents - all for the first time.

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