• Andrew Playmer

Season 7: Take Care Of Each Other

Despite returning to the postseason following Season 6's "Big Oof", Season 7 was a season of loss for the New York Millennials. Two current and one former Millennial was incinerated over the course of the season.


On Day 24, Wesley Dudley was incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. Dudley was replaced in the lineup by Nandy Fantastic, a street magician from the famous Fantastic family of professional wrestlers. A day after his incineration, a scheduled tweet appeared on Dudley's Twitter account:


On Day 32, former Millennial Mclaughlin Scorpler was incinerated during a game against the Canada Moist Talkers, as part of what became known as "Ruby Tuesday". Scorpler had remained close with his former teammates and the loss was a further blow to the morale of the Mills.


On Day 55, the Millennials faced the Seattle Garages for the first time in franchise history. Many Millennials focused on ducking, dodging, or otherwise getting out of the way of pitches from Jaylen Hotdogfingers. No Millennial reached base until Andrew Solis hit a double in the fifth inning. Despite the team defensive strategy and going down twice, the iconoclastic Schneider Bendie leveled the score twice, forcing extra innings. In the top of the 11th inning, Dominic Marijuana was struck with a pitch and became Unstable. Solis and Nandy Fantastic would hit home runs in the 12th, leading the Millennials to an important but costly win.


On Day 59 against the Miami Dale, Marijuana was incinerated in the top of the sixth inning while Sandie Turner was batting. Marijuana was replaced by Charlatan Seabright, who brought Bates Bentley home on the first pitch of her first at bat. The grieving Millennials would win 17-2 over the Dale, tying the team record for most runs in a single game and largest win margin.


Following Dominic's departure from the team, the shared team apartment served as an ongoing wake.


The Millennials banded together, supported by players around the league who dropped by to pay their respects. Sixpack Dogwalker from the Hawai'i Fridays became a regular visitor and friend to much of the team. The Mills would rally on the field, going 24-15 for the remainder of the season and clinching the final playoff spot in the Wild sub-league on Day 99.


In the days immediately following his incineration, Marijuana's voice was reportedly heard again in the Millennial's shared apartment, clipped and distorted. Multiple sightings have been reported, although none were confirmed.


The Millennials were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs in a 3-0 sweep by the Baltimore Crabs.


In the face of multiple incinerations, the Millennials pushed for "The Iffey Jr." in the Season 7 Election, seeking to avoid any future incinerations. Despite being the highest bidder with 56% of the 119,673 votes cast, they were again pipped by the Miami Dale. However, the Millennials were awarded the Hot Sauce Packet blessing with only 2% of the votes, making Sandie Turner Spicy.

8 views

Recent Posts

See All