• Andrew Playmer

Season 12: Three On, Two Off

Following a successful Siesta, and an even more successful lawsuit against the league, the New York Millennials returned to the field, ready to define a new era for the Battin' Island faithful.


The season started rocky, with the team getting swept in their opening series with the Dallas Steaks. It was the fourth time in club history the Mills lost all three opening games of the season. But the team quickly rallied, reaching a winning record by Day 17 and never looking back.


At the midway point in the season, the NaN World Tour reached NYC. In a Day 50 2-0 shutout win over the Hawai'i Fridays, Bates Bentley was caught in the feedback and swapped teams with the hitter formerly known as Wyatt Mason. Bentley had been an original member of the Mills rotation, pitching from Seasons 1 through 6 before swapping spots with Penelope Matthews and joining the lineup. Fans were heartbroken to lose an original Mill, but agreed that there was no better new home for the "Fresh Treat With A Chill Beat" than the Fridays.

Bentley has reportedly reconnected with Mills alum Alyssa Harrell in the spare moments he remembers her existence.


NaN was welcomed to the Millennials family, but with the acknowledgement that their Flickering status may make their stay quicker than a New York minute. With haste, NaN insisted on visiting Times Square, buying a significant quantity of tourist merchandise, and cackling as the billboards crashed around them.

The feedback would not come again for NaN in Season 12. The MTA is investigating an increase in train malfunctions on the 7, E, and F trains that coincides with NaN's arrival, but locals have not noticed a significant difference over the usual non-performance of the MTA.


Despite their strong performance all season, the Mills struggled to get out of bed following Latesiesta and entered into a tense final week trying to keep ahead of the Moist Talkers. On Day 98, the Mills directly punched their own playoff ticket for the first time since Season 8. Unfortunately, they ran directly into the Charleston Shoe Thieves in the Wild Card Round. The Thieves, who had stopped the Mills fairy tale wild card run in Season 10, delaced the Mills with a 2-1 series result, including a heartbreaking finale loss to Tillman Henderson.


With the season behind them, the Mills organized for the upcoming election. With extreme discipline and organization, the club's top two Wills were executed, leading to cheers of "VOTING GUIDE WIN!" on social media. Sandie Turner received an infusion, boosting the Blagonball holding merfolk to new heights. In yet another moment of wimdy, the Mills snatched Uncle Plasma with just 1% of the vote, making an already packed rotation even longer.


Finally, a Foreshadowing Will triggered the debut of Hatfield "Hattie" Suzuki, who was called up out of the shadows in exchange for Charlatan Seabright. While the half-ghost sky pirate expressed some trepidation about the swap, Suzuki has assured her that New Jersey isn't actually that bad.


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